hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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