i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
