you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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