I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
