we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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