Moan for me like Helen Keller
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
