I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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