I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
