Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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