DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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