Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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