it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
