btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
