No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
