Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
