I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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