I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
