fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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