Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
