Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
