after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
