Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
