Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
