WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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