Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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