just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
