Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
