Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
