yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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