Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
