I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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