Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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