garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
