I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
