God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
