ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
