I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
