guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
