It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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