Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
