i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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