Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
