He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
