can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
