Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
