What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
