I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
