Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
