kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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