You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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