Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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