update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
