Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
