So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Randomize
