I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
