as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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