those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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