I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
