also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
