just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
