either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
