Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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