Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
