Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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