He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
