Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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