She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's never too late to be topless.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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