she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
