Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
