He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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