Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
