I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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