Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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