I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
sarcasm needs its own font
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
