If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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