you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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