You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
