Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
