who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
