I think I died a long time ago.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
