I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
