yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You took a bar mat shot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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