my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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