shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
